i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize