I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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