Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
