if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
