you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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