I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i've created a new STD.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
