From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
