I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
