I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
