my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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