We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
