so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
