I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
