Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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