Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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