Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
