Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
