i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
