we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize