Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
