I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
