3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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