In the future we'll all be gay
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
