They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
