No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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