feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
