What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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