i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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