i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
