I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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