Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
