im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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