He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
