i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
