You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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