I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
