Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
