i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
