Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
