Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
