I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
