is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this beer tastes like vomit already
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
