WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
