I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
