Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
