You work out of a Hotel?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize