I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
