waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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