JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
