yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
