her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
