I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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