i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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