I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize