If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
