At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
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