I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
