you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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