we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
