high people should be assigned attendants
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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