alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
