i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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