my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he puts the penis in happiness.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
ttyl tear gas
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize