Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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