we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
