Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
