I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
