I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
