Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
