I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
