he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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