sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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