you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
